Dear Girl/Guy-Friend,
Please stop taking pictures of yourself here. I know we're here because I'm here with you. While I'm sure it's important that your other friends (most likely frienemies, distant ones and work ones on Facebook) are wondering where you are or want to know how good you look in your outfit, you're boring me.
Social media has really changed our generation. We are the generation that invites people via emails, gets offended via text messages, and takes pictures of ourselves to share. It wasn't always like this especially without camera phones. Before I move forward, I confess that in Junior High, I went to Sears Portrait Studio with my friends. We took photos. I used lip liner incorrectly and spent an abhorrent amount of saved up lunch money on wallet sized prints that I just knew people would want. I was an idiot who wanted to show off my below average looks and lack of makeup technique. I wanted junior high flattery or maybe a boyfriend. Either way I was a fool and it's still a foolish thing to do since it is completely arrogant. (Not to mention I missed the coupons in the paper- I could've gotten 5 more wallet sized prints for the same price!) Technology has only inflated this problem of narcissism by making this more instantaneous and therefore a gratuitous exchange. It's so easy to barter our character flaws for a grab bag of emotional indulgences like ego boosting compliments, some witty banter from someone you respect, or even just an emoji icon of a smiling turd swirl via our mobile devices.
Surely I like to indulge in our friends' lives from time to time. I'm happy you got to fly first class! I'm happy you got to meet that famous person who makes us laugh! Your baby is beautiful! Damn, guy/girl, did you treat yourself to some Dior? (And no, I am underwhelmed by your new Michael Kors bag. Yawn) I'm glad you finally met the boy/girl of your dreams! I love your artistic photos! What an accomplishment! Your dog is so cute! Your meal looked so good! What? You got to hang out with Louis CK? But I just hope that you remember to not try so hard to look cool in your instagram/facebook feed. If you've taken more than 3 mins to take your photo, it's trying too hard. You don't need to. I really care about you and I think you're cool. It would be tragic if your internet persona became more interesting than you are in person. We know someone like this and we talk shit about them because it's lame. The person who posted a picture and used exclamation points in their caption but no one remembered them being there because they didn't say anything worth remembering. Right, girl/guy, it's sad?
So, pal, I just want to hang out with you because you're honest and you make me laugh. It's probably better to make an effort with the real life friends than the virtual ones like the ex you're still trying to impress via Facebook since that is the polite way to show eachother up as adults. Who says "wow I want to hang out with someone because they took really great pictures of themselves looking like they're having fun at [given bar full of fashionable people]?" No one.
