My Thoughts on the Impending Doom and Other Jokes

My former place of internship, Family Radio, has come across a bit of attention recently with their belief that the Rapture is happening this weekend.

I was an assistant editor/intern who was helping with Mandarin Bible readings that were broadcasted to mainland China. Although it was possible at the time to be persecuted for listening to such programming, FR wanted to reassure the Chinese faithful that there was a God. I couldn't understand what I was editing with the exception of certain words, nor did I strongly agree with the agenda at hand, but I hope there's no one sitting in a Chinese prison due to those broadcasts. So in the incident that someone is overly prepared for this Rapture and did something particularly impulsive like gamble their earnings on a losing Greyhound or bought a solid gold cowboy hat or purchased a fancy phone by Amp'd Mobile (Who's that? Exactly.), I hope that FR is ready for some reconciliation. And if this Rapture business is all inaccurate like homeboy's previous miscalculated doomsday, all of those believers just got flushed down the toilet bowl full of crap in Suckersville, USA.

Then there's good old, Stephen Hawking, who explains that all this is hogwash fairy stories and that religion is for the most part something that helps us cope with death. Professor Hawking has always been much better at Trivial Pursuit: The Quantum Physics edition than I have been, so this is definitely something to consider as I am also a believer in quantum physics. So hmph...

Many people have started to consider most of the natural disasters to be the start of this supposed apocalypse. But look- why should our super powerful all-knowing God be so archaic? My thoughts of this supposed "doom" would super God to then start controlling our bodies from within Jedi style and have us go against everything we thought we believed in. I MIGHT ACTUALLY BUY CROCS AND WEAR THEM! I MIGHT ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND BIEBER FEVER! I MIGHT ACTUALLY THINK KANYE WEST HAS MUSICAL TALENT! O THE HORROR!

So in closing, fear is completely useless- shit happens or it doesn't. That's right, LeBron.